No okay. Snow had so many feelings!!! IT WAS KIND OF RIDICULOUS. First off! Snow on kissing in general is kind of... he just doesn't consider that kind of thing (hormones, romance, etc.) for him? He doesn't actively dislike it and strive to eliminate it from his life and presence the way Ruka does, but it's just... not something he considers for himself! It's partly self-esteem, in that he doesn't really see anyone falling in love with or being attracted to him, but mostly just general disinterest that makes him not think of it as a possibility. But!! In THEORY he's a huge romantic. He has opinions!! On feelings!!! And how they should interact with hormones!!!! And how kissing and especially sex are for people you ~~~~love and cherish~~~~ //// SO YEAH he has very romantic ideals and hormones are tied very, very strongly to feelings for him, not only in theory but also in how he actually experiences attraction. He has very little capacity for attraction outside of people he has feelings for, and this is how he thinks it should be! ("Feelings" does not necessarily mean romantic love, because Snow is SUPER EMOTIONALLY NEEDY, though he would like to think it does.)
SO. ANYWAY. HAVING SAID THAT, Kaworu saying that he would kiss Snow-- and then later amending it to WANTING to kiss him-- was a huge shock to Snow's system! Both because WAIT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF SEEING ME IN A SEXUAL LIGHT WHAT IS THIS and because the line of questioning meant that he had to start considering that MAYBE HE MIGHT BE CAPABLE OF HAVING HORMONES ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TOO GASP??? So he was pretty off-balance from the very beginning, and only became more so as the conversation went on and Kaworu kept thwarting Snow's attempts to keep from having the consider the matter seriously. Which he didn't want to do because of the above paragraph! Despite being super romantic, the idea of actually having ~feelings~ and ~hormones~ is TERRIFYING to Ruka. HIS HEART IS A DELICATE FLOWER AND HE KNOWS IT. :'( And not only that, but he is again, incredibly needy, and the strong mental tie he's made between feelings and attraction-- and thus the extreme significance he's accidentally projected onto acts of attraction-- basically means that to him those acts kind of work as STRAIGHT SHOTS OF EMOTIONAL VALIDATION. This is a recipe for disaster!!! Especially as applied to Kaworu, who is already very important to him and who he already has very strong feelings for! SO BASICALLY HE WAS JUST TRYING REALLY, REALLY HARD NOT TO BOARD THE BAD DECISION DINO...
...But in the end he was already putting too much thought into it and Kaworu kept pushing the point and he kept having to realize things like yeah okay I would kind of be okay with kissing Liberty... well no yeah okay I would kind of LIKE kissing Liberty... YEAH FINE OKAY I COULD MAYBE SEE MYSELF WANTING TO KISS LIBERTY AT SOME POINT 8( And then Liberty appealed to his dere with cuddles and insisting that he wanted to kiss Snow because of feelings and not because he was just an insatiable kissing fiend. (I'm sorry, this is what Ruka was trying to convince himself of at first.) SO! MUCH LIKE THE LAST ANSWER! He did... like it, and the feelings and intimacy involved... but it was also very emotionally exhausting and he felt really bad about Bones and his own inevitable slip into full-out bad decisions (the "just once" thing would... not have stuck if this were Aather canon, lolol :D;;;)... but he also adores Liberty and well, straight shot of emotional validation 8(((((((
AND THEN I WROTE 600+ WORDS ON A SINGLE THREAD THAT HAPPENED OUTSIDE OF OUR GAME'S ACTUAL CANON, SOB
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No okay. Snow had so many feelings!!! IT WAS KIND OF RIDICULOUS. First off! Snow on kissing in general is kind of... he just doesn't consider that kind of thing (hormones, romance, etc.) for him? He doesn't actively dislike it and strive to eliminate it from his life and presence the way Ruka does, but it's just... not something he considers for himself! It's partly self-esteem, in that he doesn't really see anyone falling in love with or being attracted to him, but mostly just general disinterest that makes him not think of it as a possibility. But!! In THEORY he's a huge romantic. He has opinions!! On feelings!!! And how they should interact with hormones!!!! And how kissing and especially sex are for people you ~~~~love and cherish~~~~ //// SO YEAH he has very romantic ideals and hormones are tied very, very strongly to feelings for him, not only in theory but also in how he actually experiences attraction. He has very little capacity for attraction outside of people he has feelings for, and this is how he thinks it should be! ("Feelings" does not necessarily mean romantic love, because Snow is SUPER EMOTIONALLY NEEDY, though he would like to think it does.)
SO. ANYWAY. HAVING SAID THAT, Kaworu saying that he would kiss Snow-- and then later amending it to WANTING to kiss him-- was a huge shock to Snow's system! Both because WAIT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF SEEING ME IN A SEXUAL LIGHT WHAT IS THIS and because the line of questioning meant that he had to start considering that MAYBE HE MIGHT BE CAPABLE OF HAVING HORMONES ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TOO GASP??? So he was pretty off-balance from the very beginning, and only became more so as the conversation went on and Kaworu kept thwarting Snow's attempts to keep from having the consider the matter seriously. Which he didn't want to do because of the above paragraph! Despite being super romantic, the idea of actually having ~feelings~ and ~hormones~ is TERRIFYING to Ruka. HIS HEART IS A DELICATE FLOWER AND HE KNOWS IT. :'( And not only that, but he is again, incredibly needy, and the strong mental tie he's made between feelings and attraction-- and thus the extreme significance he's accidentally projected onto acts of attraction-- basically means that to him those acts kind of work as STRAIGHT SHOTS OF EMOTIONAL VALIDATION. This is a recipe for disaster!!! Especially as applied to Kaworu, who is already very important to him and who he already has very strong feelings for! SO BASICALLY HE WAS JUST TRYING REALLY, REALLY HARD NOT TO BOARD THE BAD DECISION DINO...
...But in the end he was already putting too much thought into it and Kaworu kept pushing the point and he kept having to realize things like yeah okay I would kind of be okay with kissing Liberty... well no yeah okay I would kind of LIKE kissing Liberty... YEAH FINE OKAY I COULD MAYBE SEE MYSELF WANTING TO KISS LIBERTY AT SOME POINT 8( And then Liberty appealed to his dere with cuddles and insisting that he wanted to kiss Snow because of feelings and not because he was just an insatiable kissing fiend. (I'm sorry, this is what Ruka was trying to convince himself of at first.) SO! MUCH LIKE THE LAST ANSWER! He did... like it, and the feelings and intimacy involved... but it was also very emotionally exhausting and he felt really bad about Bones and his own inevitable slip into full-out bad decisions (the "just once" thing would... not have stuck if this were Aather canon, lolol :D;;;)... but he also adores Liberty and well, straight shot of emotional validation 8(((((((
AND THEN I WROTE 600+ WORDS ON A SINGLE THREAD THAT HAPPENED OUTSIDE OF OUR GAME'S ACTUAL CANON, SOB
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